First Aid administered by dead sea creatures

My wife and I went to dinner in Noosa the other night with her parents – let’s call them Jim and Jane. Jim and Jane’s friends, Brian and Bron, came along. The restaurant on Thomas Street had a funky atmosphere, and the conversation warmed up as our dishes were brought out.

Bron excused herself to visit the bathroom. We talked for another quarter of an hour, until Jane asked, ‘Where’s Bron?’
The young restaurant owner walked over to our table. ‘Brian, could I have a talk with you outside?’
‘Oh dear, this sounds bad?’ asked Brian as he stood up.
‘Nothing too serious,’ replied the owner.
It turned out that Bron had missed a step outside and fallen, hitting her face and right elbow. Brian looked flustered and Bron looked pale and bruised.
‘I’ll take Bron and Brian home, and you three go and get some ice cream,’ said Jane, grabbing Bron’s right elbow to guide support her.
‘Ow, Arhhhhh’ shrieked Bron. ‘That’s my sore arm!’
If you’ve read my book, ‘a few Drops short of a Pint’, you may have noticed that my lovely wife could sometimes be erratic and unpredictable. It was clear which parent she’d inherited those traits from.

The remaining three of us arrived later at the holiday unit her parents were renting, to be confronted by the locked foyer door. Jim tried to call Jane on the phone. ‘She’s not answering.’
The ice creams started to drip. Jim tried calling again, unsuccessfully. Then his phone rang. ‘We’re down here with the ice cream and we can’t get in, because you’ve got the key. Can you come down and let us in?’ he answered.
Jane bounded down the steps to open the foyer door. We walked back up to the entry door of their unit.
‘Do you have a key?’ asked Jim.
‘Er no – I left it somewhere inside,’ replied Jane, unapologetically, as she knocked on the door. ‘Bron’s having a bath and is upset. I think Brian’s in the bathroom trying to calm her down.’
The ice creams had become soft, dripping on the floor.
‘Oh this is just great,’ muttered Jim, as Jane banged on the door again.
‘I’ve been busy,’ defended Jane. ‘I looked in the freezer for some ice for Bron’s bruises, but couldn’t find any. I had to offer them a bag of frozen prawn heads or a plastic carton of ice cream.

I’m not surprised that Bron declined both choices. She may have felt embarrassed about her fall, but it probably paled in significance to the idea of holding a bag of dead spiky prawns against her face.

Well, we’re off to England and Scotland for three weeks, to attend our friends’ wedding and hopefully get some ideas for my second book. I’ll try to post a couple of updates along the way.

Cheers
Chris

Comments

Congratulations Barack Obama - the dawn of a new day

He's done it - or rather, America has. Today will go down as a historic moment for America and the world, one that the rest of the world was watching intently. And if the rest of the world could have voted, they would be happy. A recent international poll by the BBC World Service found that the 22 countries surveyed preferred to see Obama win the election. For me, it means hope. The U.S looked stuck in old approaches to ongoing problems. Problems in Iraq - throw more troops at it. Banks losing hand over fist - throw more money into them. Doing more of the same thing seems to guarantee getting more of the same results. Fear, misunderstanding and mistrust were the order of the day. But now I see a man who wants to embrace everyone. A man who wants to understand. A man who wants to build trust. The mettle of any organisation, including a country, is set by its leader. I can't wait to see what can be achieved with this man as an example to the people of the U.S. and the world. Let

George - one of the most successful fraudsters in history

This man has successfully posed as the American president since 2001. He has pulled off an incredible variety of politically suicidal stunts and his latest effort is possibly one of the best. Thousands of people lose their homes. George appears to do nothing, apart from talking up the US economy. A little while later, millions of people have lost their homes. Still nothing. A few bankers lose their shirts. George and the Federal Reserve hand over billions and billions of dollars to prop them up. Suddenly, lots of bankers and stockbrokers have lost their shirts, and George is looking to hand them nearly a trillion dollars . What I don't understand is this -> if he has a trillion dollars to spare (and I think the only way he could is to get the U.S mint printing 24 hours a day), why doesn't he buy up the houses that have been foreclosed, and rent them back to the previous owners, or even more radically, give them back. Surely the same amount would be spent, people would have a

Engineers practising medicine?

The office I work in is located above an X-ray and Imaging centre, and a Doctor's practice. Because the local Council won't allow large or numerous signs on new buildings, it isn't uncommon for people to get lost and end up at our door. Annie, our secretary, usually redirects them to the right office. Yesterday, she walked past my desk. 'There was a man at the door who wanted to give blood. I said to him this was the wrong office. He said the sign downstairs was pointing up at our office, so this must be the right place. He wouldn't leave. I think he must have thought I didn't understand what kind of office I worked in." "Well, we can take his blood if he really wants us to," I replied. "Ask him to sit down and say someone will come out shortly. And let's leave him there for hours," added a colleague, smiling. "You're missing a new opportunity, Annie. Ask him which vein he wants the blood taken from and then prick him with

Chris Dowding - writer

Search This Blog